Our Take:
Totally agree to start. If a shadchan doesn’t give the courtesy or have the time to act in the best interest of the dater, quit your shadchan responsibilities. The term “shadchan” and “matchmaker” (or even hearing people say “I set people up” as if it’s an underrated hobby) seems to be thrown into a conversation as if it’s some full-time job with PTO and benefits. Unless you’re paying Patti Stanger, chances are matchmaking isn’t a full time profession. It’s a passion, it’s an aspiration, but it’s not exactly a full time career but for singles that actually accept a matchmaker’s advances, the matchmaker should at least put forth some quality effort. Especially if you expect some “tips” at the end for your work.
Having said that, singles need to be aware that when matchmakers DO take the time to set people up, they actually put thought into their matches! So disregarding one or two “conflicting” issues from a potential match that was sent to you is simply slap in a matchmakers face. They took the time to vet the match, so give them the courtesy of investigating, following up, or going on the date. A simple “Nah, she doesn’t seem my type” or “My friend dated him so it’s obviously not a match” doesn’t cut it.
Singles and Matchmakers – time to give a little more effort? What do you say? I think so.
Isaac H.
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Reposted from CrownHeights.info
Everyone is saying that there is a shidduch crisis going on these days, but in my experience there is really only a Shadchan crisis. Many people are using their names as contact people for a particular shidduch, but when an inquiry is made, that person may not even respond or they may take a long time told be: parents and children wait anxiously for a response. To simply ignore them or take time to respond is not a responsible attitude for a contact person or for a shadchan. So if you are busy and unable to respond properly or in a timely manner, please do not accept the responsibility of being the contact or the shadchan.
So many people out there put their names as shadchanim. They are not necessarily “professional” full time shadchanim. I truly understand that many, perhaps even most, shadchanim mean good. They have good intentions. But the reality of life is that they often work at other jobs, they have families, they are busy….so they may take a long time to respond or to make the necessary contacts and the result is that the single is left hanging. It is my humble opinion that anyone who wishes to be considered a shadchan, has to act the part! In other words, if you want to be doing the mitzvah of a shadchan, then do it all the way.
In the past and perhaps in some chassidish circles even today, professional shadchanim would meet and interview singles and really try to make matches based on compatibility etc. But how are most of the shadchanim on the lists today making shidduchim? In most cases, they simply read a paper or online profile which does not reveal very much about a person and they try to make matches based on that. To be honest, the parents can do that too. That is not a service a parent should have to pay a lot for. And yet many shadchanim keep all the information hidden from parents, as if trying to make it all mysterious and secretive, because they want to make money in the end.
But shidduchim really should not be a mitzvah that is done only for money. Especially the way most shidduchim are being handled today. And if you are in it for the money, please say so. Be open. If a parent does not want to pay in advance then be clear about what you will or will not do. But the main thing is don’t put more blocks to shidduchim. There are already enough blocks and problems. If a parent cannot pay in advance or does not want to pay in advance, and you, as the shadchan, don’t want to handle the shidduch, then turn it over to someone else so it can still be pursued. Why should a potential shidduch fall through because of money? WE all know the financial difficulties of today’s society. That should not be the reason to prevent people from getting married! Why should the children suffer?
Jewish Dating Chronicles 